Calm down your life has a right over you part 1

As humans our lives are filled with happy moments which we want to cherish for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we face difficulties and challenges that seem to burden us and keep us preoccupied and stuck. At times we feel that these issues toll us down and make it difficult for us to keep up with our daily lives to an extent that we feel unsettled and we begin to see changes in our life and interactions. Many of want to throw these worries away as quickly as possible because no one wants something dragging them down and want solutions to them as quickly as possible. Before we can actually work to ease these issues and worries we must first look at a number of factors:

1)     You are human

As people we believe we are like superheroes that never tire and can do anything at any time. Well although we say this that is not entirely true. We are human and are emotionally and physically weak and have a limit and capacity you can work up to. Allah says:

‘And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak.’ (Nisa,28)

This implies that Allah has created humans weak and that they should over burden themselves with what they cannot handle. Let’s be honest, most of the time we do over burden are selves for multiple different reasons. We want to make are families happy, are friends happy, are manager or teacher pleased so we can get a promotion or better grade than the last assessment. We burden ourselves to help other’s reach self-pleasure and in turn their happiness makes us happy, that is a good thing as that shows that you are a selfless person and you really do care about those around you.

However, there are times you just can’t and that you know you have reached your daily limit, but you continue to push and push. Sometimes you push because you feel that if you keep going and show those around you that you love that you are still the same person they know then that is good. Actually it isn’t, you conceal your worries, concern and issues more and more till your body can’t take anymore and it begins to show. It like when your pouring a drink into a non-see through cup and you keep on pouring till it reaches the top, if you continue to pour even although you have reached the top, the content with the cup over floods, spilling outside the cup. Eventually people can know see the content inside the non-see through cup because it spilled due to overfilling, that’s the same with you and concealing your issues.

These issues overflow from within you and begin to be seen outwardly, your face loses its calmness and looks fatigue and exhausted, you may lose weight and become more sensitive and respond to everything emotionally. People around you eventually figure something is wrong and then you become defensive and continue to state everything is fine, they grow worried and concerned and now you realise you have not protected anyone from the issues, worries and the difficulties you face. That shows that you can’t exceed the limit of your human capacity and that it is rather important to share your problems with your loved ones as they will understand and feel for you and as we all know, once you let it all out you feel much better.

You feel like the mountain you were carrying upon yourself has just crumbled, that is why we have to understand that we are human, we can take some challenges and solve some problems but ultimately we have a boundary and limitations and a capacity. That is why we have people in our lives, that’s what loving families and friends are for, we are part of them and the idea that my issues concern and affect me only is completely false. Individualism where a person is free and has his personal rights and freedoms and his choices effects his personal life and well-being is not true. If you conceal your issues and worries to the point of destruction effects all those around you, your parents, siblings, spouse, friends etc. will develop their own worries for you and would wish you put accept the role they should have in your life. So technically, the idea of concealing your life problems to protect others can actually cause a bigger damage than sharing it with them as they may have the solutions you’re looking for. Know your limits and capacities and embrace your human limitations to:

2)     Set realistic aims

In our lives since we begin to dream, start school and grow up, we are told you can do anything you set your mind to or the sky is the limit. Although we can accomplish a lot of things in our life, those phrases that have become slogans to create the incentive for people to do things for their lives are not realistic. Rather the aim is to set realistic aims and goals in our lives so that we can achieve a more successful life as life is not a fantasy where everything we desire just appear. Life is real and the decisions we make can have a positive outcome or a disastrous one, unfortunately we are not told that and that is why many people are not happy with the decision they make.  

This is because they believe that every decision they make will automatically have a positive outcome because they did and achieved what they wanted. However, what you want is not always the best thing for you and many do not accept this. They believe it was what they wanted and begin to clash with those around who tell them otherwise. The reason that occurs is because their dream was not a realistic one but based on the assumption of the phrases of nothing can stop you and the sky is the limit. However, once you begin to sit and actually think about what your goals are, you realise that there is a realistic approach to reach your goals with minimum consequence. The word consequence in its self helps one to diverge away from living in a dream, it helps you to analyse each situation you are in and how to reach the standards you desire.

Allah says that the people who enter the fire will reply when they are asked why they are here by saying:

‘And they will say, "If only we had been listening or reasoning, we would not be among the companions of the Blaze."’ (67:10)

Here they reply that had they applied logic and reasoning to their life they would not be in the situation they are in. If applied to our daily lives it is the same thing, you go for something and it does not work out as expected, we say the same thing, well maybe we swear, yell and cry but it still links back. Thus by throwing away these slogans and looking at our lives with a more realistic approach and looking at the pros and cons of each of our decisions, our lives will move at a calmer pace. I’m not saying that each decision will work if we apply this, sometimes we follow the right procedure but something does not work out. Through this there are two things; one, every misfortune that happens gives us experience for our lives and knowledge to share with others, Victoria Holt said:

 “Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.”

This implies that the decisions we work towards that does not work out fills us with experience for our lives to move forward.

Second that just we want something but it is not good for us, Allah says

‘But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.’ (2:216)

We have desires as humans and may love a particular thing or person, however we do not know if it contains good for us or not.  If you do not get it keep in mind that maybe it was not good for you, do not only focus on the desire to have it, this also keeps our goals realistic as wants are not real. We have to look beyond ‘I want this’ and look at what is good for me, to make our life goals attainable and match the real world.