Kids and dysfunctional families

A dysfunctional family is the worst thing that can exist. It’s worse than being worse than being diagnosed cancer, losing all your finances etc. This is because broken lives are produced from these families, and lives even if they establish themselves as successful people, they still bear the memories of the dark days they have witnessed. A heart once broken will always carry the memories that broke it and even if they find love from those around them, it is still not enough to glue the shattered pieces together. That is why a dysfunctional family is the worst thing to happen to a child. If they have cancer or any chronic illness and you are there by their side, they are still full. If you are having difficult times and you still love and show care to your child, they are still happy. However, marriage breakdowns and issues effects a child immediately and it can change their characteristics and personality forever and parents don’t seem to realise.

When talking about families and marriage breakdowns and problems, people often neglect the child’s role in this breakdown. Parents look out for themselves by entering other marriages, sometimes hold grudges for the other if the problems that broke them up were touching, but they forget that their actions have a great toll on the kids who are dependent on them. These children have to deal with their parents arguing on top of them, sometimes hear their screams at night and worry in their beds and days where both their parents don’t speak to each other. These children realise that their parents’ marriage is at a crisis at times and take it personally, it ruins their childhood development as they worry what’s going to happen. They are happy when their parents are actually talking to each other and feel calm and relaxed when the see such a scene.

The effects of marriage issues or breakdowns on a child’s development is enormous, many of us know that when a kid becomes a bully at school, people assume that he/she some from a dysfunctional family that has problems and this child is releasing the pain they are carrying. 

However, more damages are caused, this child is not just aggressive, they have moments they are quiet and don’t want to engage with others. They are not bubbly nor show any child like emotions, they keep to themselves and seclude themselves with their thoughts. They feel envious or personally breakdown when alone when they see other kids who have their parents by their side and narrate the fun times they had with them. Their academic progress decreases significantly and find it hard to focus on studying and they lack parental guidance and are vulnerable to leading towards are negative life they should not have to live.

In today’s world, dysfunctional families are common and are easily adapted to as kids from such families end up living in a similar manner. They don’t receive advice on how to design their life as nobody has shown them or told them, they believe that the way their parents dealt with their marriage is right and do the same for their marriages. Dysfunctional are so common that a US study shows that ‘1 in 2 children in the United States will live with a single parent at some point in their lives.’ That means that half the population will come from a dysfunctional family in whatever manner it occurs. This would mean a very large amount of kids would miss on their childhood juggling the pains of family problems and trying to establish themselves in the world they live in.

This means that parents who have marriage troubles should acknowledge the negative effects their marriage breakdown or problems have on their kids. Kids need to live an environment that nurtures them for the future and enjoy their childhood so they can be what they are, kids. The only that can happen is that parents acknowledge that their deeds doesn’t only affect them but those around them, which of course is their kids. As people we fail to realise that our actions does not only affect us but it equally effects those around us, when we make decisions, we have to acknowledge the people around us, who care about and want our happiness and want a happy environment for us. Kids are like that, they want to see their parents happy and seeing both of them upset and angry gets them emotional, even if they don’t show you it.

Parents have to make sure that they show their kids a happy face and show them nothing’s wrong, even if both of you are having disagreements. Show them the care and support they need from you and that you both will be there for them, have your disputes because no marriage is free from disputes but how they are dealt with makes them worse. Always show them a smile to ensure them that their family is the way they know it and if you’re angry about something in your marriage, maintain to say good words to them and don’t use harsh language as one wrong word you say will be remembered forever. That is why the prophet (s.a.w) said to us to keep control over our tongues, because not matter how much good a person does for you, you will remember the one word or thing wrong they have done to you.

Personally, I have come from a family which never suffered any issues or problems. We live together in harmony and everyone is happy and cares for the other which I am very thankful for. It saddens me when you see those around you mention their family problems or you read about them, you feel for them and wish them the best. That is why parents must be conscious of their actions and always acknowledge that their actions will have a negative effect on their kids. Even if they grow up to be the most successful people in the world, they still will remember those dark moments of living in a dysfunctional family.