Setting kids ready for the future

When people hear child neglect the first thing that comes to their mind is a child who has been abandoned by his parents or a parent who gives no care to their child and their needs. That is true, many children are neglected by their parents, but some in an informal manner. They may be wearing the most expensive clothes brands, have expensive gadgets such as iPad's and iPhone's and get whatever they want but are still neglected. They may not be neglected in terms not having a clean home environment, or having everything their hearts desires, they have all this but they are neglected from very important factors they need in their lives as children and as adults. These factors which include good manners, how to set up goals and how to live in the real world. Kids get everything they want but are not given what they need to carry with themselves for their future and social interactions.

Good manners

Good manners are essential for how we deal with people in our lives and the wider society. It gives our rights and prevents us from trespassing on other’s rights. Everyone has a right, parents have a right, kids have a right, neighbors have a right etc. When children are small we teach them how to say please when they want something and thank you when they receive it. This teaches them to acknowledge the favour a person has done for them and that they will receive the same when they do something for someone. As they grow older they learn to help others and around the house, respect those around them, that there are offensive things you can’t say or do that hurt other people. Through this they learn that everyone has a boundary, what you say and do can effect another and that they too have boundaries others should not cross. Good manners show a child that the feelings they want to be shown such as respect and care are desired by others and they will give others the respect they deserve. It teaches them that as much as they get, they have to give too. That means helping their parents around the house and being thankful for everything that they do for them. It helps them see how much their parents mean to them and that they can give something back to them.

However, the opposite contrast is for the child with less or no manners. They treat the way they feel like they should treat them, they want the world to revolves around them and that they should be treated in a polite and respectful manner without doing the same for others. They respect people when they get what they want and are angry when they don’t get their way. They do not know that cooperation is key for success and what everything done for them. They love their parents when they get the thing that’s on their mind but when they don’t, they hate and start to throw tantrums for not getting it. The prophet (s.a.w) said:

“A slave woman gives birth to her mistress or master”

This statement was declared as a sign that would occur in later generations that a mother will one day give birth to her children and they will be like masters over their parents. Today, it is present, parents admitting that they have difficulty dealing and negotiating with their children. The lack of manners is a cause, kids are given and given and many parents believe they are doing well for their kids this way and that they are making their kids happy. Yes, when they receive those objects of desire their face beams with joy, but it is a short one. Eventually they get bored and want more and they are given, this increases selfishness and no consent for the effort their parents spend to make them happy. They become unthankful for the blessing they have and lose the essence of saying please and thank you.

Giving to kids is a good thing, it is important for kids to be happy and exercise this. But we should not place kids’ upbringing on materialism, it also has to contain a portion where kids are shown how to make their place in the real world and it starts from having good manners. Everywhere we go has codes and conducts that need to be followed and if we don’t teach our children how to abide by these by first teaching the manners they need to follow rules and regulations, then they will not be ready to transition into society very easily.

Setting and achieving goals

Setting goals and setting a route for attaining it are necessary if we want to reach our dreams and goals. Kids are not told how to set a goal and reach it and how to create a plan to reach their dreams. That is because kids are not told that they live in the real world but a world where people dream and dream and their wishes come true. In life, reaching something is hard work, if you want to eat, you have to get up and make it, everything around us is established on hard work and we have to be able to work and plan towards our goals and dreams.

Not everything we want is also good for us and they may hold consequences we don’t want to happen, however slogans such as you can do anything or the sky is the limit hinder children from reality. You cannot do anything and everything because somethings have consequences we don’t and they don’t want to happen, that is why we have to show kids how to set out to reach their goals and dreams but through a realistic lens. This means we teach them how to set out a table and look and the pros and cons of the decision and thing they want to do. That way when they learn to take matters in their own hands they can use such methods to plan out their life.  

Every parent loves their child and wants them to be successful and happy, but the way we set them up prepares them for a better future. We have to be able to give them the life skills they need to establish themselves and stand out to be what they want to be and it first starts by making them live in the real world. Gadgets such as iPad's and iPhone's are not bad, as long as kids know how to use them in a proper manner then there is no harm. The only problem is that if we make these gadgets or even fashion trends the only thing they see and need, but help them develop their own style and personality. We are the ones who have to show them that they are unique in their own special way and all they have to do is discover who they really are and apply it to their lives and future. If we cannot give our kids the resources they need to establish themselves for their future goals and dreams and prepare them for the world they are going to be part of, then we have truly neglected our kids.