Respect in
the family
Respect is a vital part in any marriage, marriage cannot
survive if there is no respect. For one’s marriage to last there must be mutual
respect between the husband and wife. Both Husband and wife have rights to an
equal amount of respect in their marriage, a woman must have respect for her
husband and a husband must have respect for his wife. This leads to love and
harmony to be established as you both believe that each one of has a right over
the other.
When both have respect for one another conflicts are rarely
to occur as the respect founded within them tells them that this person is the
person they love and respect. Respect creates care, care is a very valuable
asset in a marriage. When you both care about each other you make it your prime
goal to make each other happy and remove every pain from each other. When both
of you care for each other you will both do what makes the other happy, you
both will say nice things to each other, look out for each other’s feelings,
when you are sad the other maintains to put a smile back on your face and tries
their best to keep anything that will make sad away from each other. You
complement each other with positive feedback if you buy things such as new
clothes or a new car or for anything good you each get.
Care creates understanding, when you care about each other
there is an understanding bond between the both of you which enables you to
feel for the happiness and sorrows of each other. If a family member of one of
you dies, you will not be at a party or at a café store chatting with friends
or on the phone only showing little sympathy saying, ‘oh yes they died may
Allah have mercy on them’ but you will be by their side, comforting them and
telling comforting words.
This notion of care can be seen in this story:
A university student said that he left uni to go eat and
sitting by me on another table were two old men, both of them talking about
their wives. One man told his friend about the love and respect between him and
his wife by saying:
“Me and my wife had and understanding, we loved and cared for
each other no matter what. She would have dinner ready, was a role model to our
children and I in turn would take us out as a family and spend time together
but she was always the one who put the hardest effort in everything.
One day she came down with an illness and could not do the
things she used to, dinner was no longer ready and the despair was seen on our
kids as she was no longer there for them. I had always called her my queen but
now I had only one option, to put my words into action. I began to juggle work,
taking care of the kids and her, doing this always reminded me the importance
she always had in the house. However, day by day her health worsened and now I
began to feed and carry her because she could no longer walk.
Every night I had to wake up every four hours to give her medicine
and eventually the worst we both feared came into reality, she was dying. Here
she asked a question, if I would remarry, looking at her I said no but she
still insisted and I still said no. This was because I knew that I would not someone
like her and eventually she passed away. I was so devastated and realised again
why I would not remarry and I kept her stuff in our room the same way she left
it before she died. My daughter always said that we had to clear the room out
but I told her that I did not have the courage to do so and that my kids could
end up like her.
The student said that he was always forgetful but the story
was so touching of how this man spoke about something that happened 35 years
ago and kept her memory with him that he never forgot that story.
This is what love and respect is, this man did not abandon
her or just put her in the hospital, he felt that he had to be true to his word
and he did. In the Quran Allah says:
وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة
‘And we have made
kindness and mercy between you’ (Rum, 21)
This means that these traits have to be practised between the
husband and wife in order for a long-lasting family to exist. If Allah
commanded that there be love and harmony between the husband and wife, then why
should we not strive to make them quality feature’s in our relationships.
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